The Birth - Part 3 - Postpartum Recovery

This post should really be titled:  Why everyone I know should be able to recover at the Alternative Birth Center at Providence Southfield.

Read Parts I and II Here

...Once I was done in the OR, I was wheeled to a recovery room where I was supposed to stay for an hour then I could be transferred back to the birth center.  The second we got into the recovery room the nurse plopped RB on my naked chest.  There was no conversation, no hesitation, everything just fell into place.  He sucked briefly but enjoyed just sleeping on me much more.

The birth center nurse wanted me to feel better quickly so I could move back to the calm, comfortable room in the ABC where this adventure began.  My body had been through so much trauma that it took awhile and I really didn't want to get out of that bed and into a wheel chair but eventually I was able to.  Once Jason and I settled in, all of our family and friends were able to come to our room.  Before we had Rocco Boone we talked about not knowing if we would want people to visit us right away and if we'd want others holding him before we really got some bonding time in.  We decided that we would wait and see and just be honest about how we felt in the moment.    

I think I was exhausted and still in shock so I was happy to have everyone join us and play pass the baby.  One great thing about the birth center's rooms is that the rooms are huge and you can have everyone visit you at once.  They brought pizza, talked, listened to our stories, and took lots of pictures.

Once everyone was on their way, it was just the three of us.  Jason and I laid in bed and took in our little baby.  It was exactly as I had pictured.  I knew that double bed would be important and it wasn't until we were there that it all started to make sense.  I wanted nothing more than to be close to my baby and my husband.  I wanted us all to be comfortable and relax - together.  Jason deserved a comfortable bed to lie in with our baby just as much as I did.  

Our first night together was interrupted by doctors checking on me and baby but overall we got some much needed sleep and started our day as a family of three Sunday morning.

Notice the birth tub in the background that I didn't get to use for labor.

Rocco Boone slept most of the time we were at the birth center.  He moved from one cozy spot to the next.  We either kept him skin to skin with us or swaddled tightly.  He was a very content little man.  He would wake to cry a bit, latch briefly to get some colostrum and comfort, and fall right back asleep.  I loved that all of this could happen from the comfort of our family bed.  I was still very uncomfortable from birth (meds helped with that though) but it made me not want to get out of bed.

I remember thinking that all this family bonding would have felt entirely different if we didn't have a double bed in our room or if our nurses suggested giving us a break from the baby.  He was with us from the very beginning until we left the birth center.  It was there that we established our family dynamic.  We took each moment in and let RB have his own schedule.  It honestly felt so good.

More special visitors on day two.

RB's first poopy diaper changed on our big bed.

I brought my own postpartum bath herbs (even though the birth center offered some) and on our second night, RB and I finally got to enjoy that beloved tub.  He slept through his first bath (as he did for weeks to come) and we both soaked in the healing qualities of those herbs.

The people at the ABC encouraged us to just let Rocco Boone be.  Let him eat and sleep.  We wanted him to feel safe and loved and to us that meant not allowing any unnecessary prodding, cuts, ointments, shots.  There was never any question about it from anyone.  

Because my blood pressure was super high after RB's crazy fast breech birth, I had to stay at the birth center for a couple extra days.  Our last night there the three room birth center filled up and we had to be transferred to a labor and delivery postpartum room.  This was when we saw what it would be like to recover in a more traditional setting.  Our room was cramped, Jason slept on a pull out chair in the small space between my bed and the window.  When RB needed to be fed during the night he had to maneuver the room to get to him, hand him to me, wait until we were done, put him back in his bed... you get the point.  After a night of this, we were ready to get home.

Trust me, it was still awesome to spend time with our baby in that little room, just a little more difficult.  And really?  Isn't the beginning difficult enough?  I feel very blessed to have had those first three days in a calm, compassionate environment that fostered a relaxed approach to caring for our little guy.  

Looking back, what I think was so important about our postpartum experience was the confidence we developed in those few short days following Rocco Boone's birth.  No one told us how to do it.  No one said what we were doing was wrong.  They gave us a warm room and a comfy bed and delivered food and meds and care, but we got to parent from the very beginning.  I figured out breastfeeding by doing it.  We figured out sleeping and changing and holding and consoling our little guy by doing.  We just needed a little support and that's exactly what we got.  

I write this post because I still have days, eleven months later, where I find myself thinking of those moments that followed his birth.  I am forever thankful for the care and support we received and for the time we had to bond as a family.

Things I'm happy I brought with us:

the boppy

nursing shirt and nightgown

bath herbs / sitz bath

hypnobirthing audio

bluetooth speaker

my husband :)

swaddling blankets

snacks!

Once we left the birth center and came home, we were surprised to find a refrigerator full of food (thank god for friends!).  And we even had more food scheduled to come for the entire first month.  I was starving all. the. time.  So having food ready to go was simply amazing.  If we ever got tired of eating something, I just threw it in the freezer because I knew we would need it another day.  So if you're ever considering taking food to a new family - just do it.  There's nothing better.

The Baby Whisperer

Before Rocco Boone was conceived I began reading some of the traditional texts.  I started What to Expect When You're Expecting and would read my baby app updates.  Quickly though, I noticed that I didn't fit in the traditional first time mom category.  I wasn't scared and paranoid about this little guy surviving.  I felt he was healthy from the beginning.  And once that first trimester passed, I was over all the worries those pregnancy books try to address.  On to sushi, deli meat, and the occasional beer or wine (gasp!).  Really, I felt great. My baby felt healthy.  Everything was good.  What did I need to expect from my expecting?  So on I went to thinking about childbirth and parenting.  A friend recommended The Baby Whisperer and I knew other moms had success with it so we started reading it in bed before going to sleep.  I got a few chapters in but quickly realized a lot of it directly references your baby so I decided to pick it back up once he was here.

Sleeping in the ring sling

Sleeping in the rocker

After only a few days in, we went back to the book.  Weeks passed and I kept trying to envision when we could implement any of the techniques from this book.  First we were to feed the baby, then have some activity, then put him to sleep.  Repeat.  Repeat.  And then everyone is happy.  I tried so hard to wrap my head around this routine.  It didn't fit with what we did at all.  My baby loved (loves) to lay skin to skin.  When Rocco Boone is sleepy he cuddles and nurses and all the oxytocin starts flowin' and he is soothed into a peaceful sleep.  If he really needs it, he stays asleep.  If not, it's a little comforting nap and then awake he pops and moves on with his day.  I can't imagine trying to keep him awake during that time.  I don't want to keep him awake.  Watching his blinks grow longer and longer as he lulls to sleep is a wonderful feeling.  For both of us.  And somehow I felt bad for not following this lady's directions.  For some reason, I felt bad for when and how my baby slept.  See, Rocco Boone came home with Jason and I.  So naturally, at least to us anyway, he started to follow our schedule.  From the beginning, he went to bed around midnight and woke up around noon (with as many feedings as he needs in between).  So if I need it, I can get just about 12 hours of sleep a night.  That pretty damn cool.  Because if you know me, I love me some sleep.  Something I don't love is waking up early.  But why?  Why do I feel at all embarrassed of his schedule?  His schedule is perfect for me, and for him, and for our family.

Sleeping in the sprout sling

Sleeping at the pool

Sleeping in the rock and play

Sleeping on the boob

And just as he was about to turn 5 months, I started thinking about how he goes to sleep.  Again with the cuddling, and nursing, and hormones and all that.  But to be fair, when he's with Jason, he goes down just as well with his cuddling, and a bottle, and all the papa love.  But back to me feeling guilty.  I wondered if I was creating a totally dependent child (isn't that what babies are supposed to be?).  And then just like that... Rocco Boone started showing small signs of self-soothing.  Lately when he's napping he'll wake up, look around, and fall back to sleep on his own.  No screaming, no begging for a boob.  And I'm so proud.  It didn't take me scheduling anything or training him to.  It's all just occurring naturally.  

Sleeping in his car seat

Sleeping at the bar

Sleeping on the floor

Sleeping in a tent

So here's what I've learned about baby sleep.  No, here's what I've learned about babies.  Just when you're questioning yourself and wondering how much you've screwed up your little one, cause yes for sure, you know it's all your fault.... they grow a little.  Time and growth have fixed every problem we've had.  But on the flip side, it seems that every time you're onto something and the ride is so smooth, the routine gets flipped on its head.  Everything changes and you're right back where you started.  I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry so much.  He's eating, he's sleeping, he's growing, and he's happy.  And he'll be that way tomorrow and the next day. 

Sleeping on the beach

Sleeping in his crib

But really?  F the Baby Whisperer and her crazy schedule.  My kid knows how to sleep.

Sleeping in his bassinet

The Return?

Motherhood has me walking on clouds.  No, seriously.  This is the greatest thing I've ever done.  Everything you ever wanted out of life comes with a kid.  I get to smile, cry, cuddle, talk, listen, run, rest, explore... every single day.  It's also the hardest thing I've ever done.  This boy needs me all. the. time.  But then I love that.  He needs his mama.  And I'm there for him.  I swoop in and he snuggles into my neck or goes for my breast (usually the case) and all is right with the world.

I think about writing here all the time.  I want to put my thoughts down in this space.  I just want to put my thoughts out there.  For me.  For him.  For moms.  For the world.  I want to collect my thoughts, and the crazy swirling daily emotions, because I need it.  I need to slow down.  I need to remember.  Or maybe it's not about one day reading this and remembering anything.  It's more about the present.  What do these days mean?  What do I think of this boy?  What the hell am I doing with this life we've created?

My days are full of thinking in opposites.  I feel like being a mom, being a family, is the easiest thing I (we) have ever done.  We melded into each other and our roles flowed from the first days together.  J and I have created the coolest little boy and therefore we are one hip family (ha!).  But really, the physical pain of birthing that boy out of me backwards (and the many, many weeks of healing) was so much greater than the struggles we have now.  Then something will happen and I am reminded, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.  And that labor and childbirth shit, that was nothin.  Cause being a family is hard.  Being on the same page is hard.

Our struggles and pain are different than I could have ever expected.  I question myself every day.  All the time really.  I feel so confident in my thought processes, decisions, and choices.  Then something little (a look from someone, a cry from RB, a tired mama) and all hell breaks loose.  My head runs quickly, wondering if I'm right, if someone else is more right.  And that's when I notice that the easiest of times, the best of times, are the Koch Gregory times.  Just the three of us.  No time tables.  No expectations (except to have fun).  And we are just who we are.  We wear less clothes.  Cuss a lot more.  Laugh a lot more.  Take endless photos.  And we are us.  But we don't want it to just be the three of us.  We love our family and friends and want to spend our days with a lot of people.

And that's when I realize that we will always struggle with these choices.  It is just preparation for more of what's to come.  We are going to have to choose the hard road a lot.  Because it's totally worth it.

These rambles are hopefully just the beginning of me coming back to this place and putting it all down.  Because it feels good.  And I deserve a space to do that.

Enjoying Rocco Boone's first trip to Lake Michigan.

Seriously, this boy is so much fun.

My sweet boy.

The best decision we've ever made.

Things we Love - health and wellness

This is my list of must-haves for Rocco Boone.  I'm sure if we have another baby this list will change.  But these items were all mama recommended or gifts so I know that they work for many people out there.  And they made life so much easier for us.


Colic calm
RB suffered from belly aches and gas (not reflux) for the first couple months.  It was sad.  We tried all different things but Colic calm worked the best.  Its black color stained our cloth diapers and some clothes but everything came clean after a couple of washes.  Seriously best product ever.

Probiotics
I also attribute his belly getting better to probiotics.  I was taking some but noticed a change when we started giving him his own.  I also think his belly just needed time to develop and mature.  We now use probiotics moreso for immune issues and really don't need the colic calm anymore.

Nosefrida
Seriously.  Who doesn't want to suck snot out of their baby's nose with a straw?!  This is best used in combination with saline spray.  Wet their noses and then suck it out.  It's as rewarding as popping blackheads.

Angel baby shampoo and body wash
This was a gift from my friend Kate and she was right.  This makes your baby smell so yummy.

Earth Mama bottom balm
This comes from the same people that make the baby shampoo but it's for post-partum mamas.  The menthol is so cooling and feels even more awesome than witch hazel.  I kept it in my purse for when we were out and about.

Angelcare bath seat
RB & I took baths together for about the first month.  I just held his little, limp body the whole time.  Once he got a little bigger I decided we needed something to lay him in.  We still use this bath seat, it's just so cozy for him.  It also helps me when we're home alone and take a bath, I place him in the seat on the floor all wrapped up in his towel while I finish cleaning up.  

Sprout pouch
This was also a gift from my friend Kate and I don't know what I would have done without this sling for the first couple of months.  RB and I both loved this thing.  We don't use it anymore but it was essential for the infant stages.  There are also a ton of other slings on the market that work just the same as this one.

K'tan
Best carrier ever.  I'm so happy we found the k'tan.  I really wanted something we could both wear that was easy to put on and I could just throw in the diaper bag.  It secures babies just like the moby but there's no wrapping long pieces of fabric.  RB and I still use it a lot.





















GDiapers
I had no idea where to start with cloth diapering but G diapers made the process so much easier.  When we're out and about, I usually throw a disposable insert in and just toss them.  But when we're home we use a cloth insert.

Charlie Banana Disposable Inserts
The G diaper disposable inserts seemed a bit rough whereas these ones are lined in bamboo and super soft.  Totally worth it to me.  We buy all of our Charlie Banana stuff at Target.

Charlie Banana Reusable Diapers
These diapers are our favorite of the traditional cloth diapers.  They seem a lot more comfy and form well to the body than our Bum Geniuses.  We usually use these as nighttime diapers and the G diapers during the day.  If you've ever thought of cloth diapering, just try it.  It is so much easier than I ever expected, and this is coming from someone who rarely does her own laundry.

Charlie Banana bamboo liners
With any cloth diaper it can be nice to add these liners that wick the moisture away from baby's skin.  They are super soft and can help, especially at nighttime.

The woombie swaddler
Jason did a lot of reading on the 5 S's before we had the baby.  It was so nice that J was prepared with soothing techniques once he was here.  We tried different swaddle types and when he was an infant, the tighter the better.  But as he got a little older, it was nice to be able to just zip into this one and let him still move his arms around a bit.  We also got the breathable fabric since this kid is always so hot.

moooo

Of course I think my child is incredibly smart.  Advanced, as Julie would say.  So I need to mark the day I believe he said his first word.  Yes, it's true.  My four, almost five, month old talked last week.  He's been doing so well with mimicking sounds he hears.  And last week, while playing in his exersaucer, he hit the button that says, "moo."  And right away, Rocco Boone copied, "MOOOO."  Because he's a genius.  Kinda like when he farted today and immediately made raspberries with his mouth.  Genius, I tell you.

The Birth - Part 2

Let's remember where we left off.  I was in a large birth room lying on a double bed next to a wall of windows that let the afternoon light in, leaving the room dim and naturally lit.  The room was quiet with compassionate reminders of how to release tension and let my body continue to do what feels right.  My husband, sister, mom, nurse, and midwife surrounded me, placing their hands on me, keeping me focused.   I was working hard and things were getting close.

..."that's not a head" Andrea said.  "I don't know what it is but it's not a head."

It turns out it was a knee.  And I had to use all of my willpower to not let that knee out of me.  I was rushed down the short birth center hall through a corridor.  Jason was right behind.  I didn't know what was happening but everyone surrounding me oozed stress.  All I could think was, I'm going to have this baby.  It doesn't matter how it happens.  Our baby is coming.  They stopped Jason and Lisa and made them wait.  I remember yelling, "I love you..."  Before we entered the room I asked what was happening.  Someone told me I was having an emergency C-section.  Everything changed so fast.  Contractions were still rolling over me and I had to moan and tighten my body to hold everything together.  C-section?  I went back to my mantra of "okay, okay" telling myself this baby is coming and it doesn't matter how he gets here.  

They wheeled me into a brightly lit OR and again I had to climb off of one damn bed onto another.  The gurney quickly filled up with people on all sides.  The anesthesiologist walked to the head of the table and told me he was going to knock me out because we didn't have time to numb me.  He was cold and stern.  People on both sides of me were yelling not to push.  Dee was doing her best to tell them my situation and seemed to be one of the few treating me like a human instead of a machine running out of control that needed to be stopped.  I remember her yelling, "She's my patient.  I can stand wherever I want!" and she took post to the left of my head.   I asked for Jason and that damn anesthesiologist said he couldn't come in but someone still went to get him.  I held onto those contractions with everything in me.  I knew this baby was there and ready to enter this world.  It felt like I was tightening up through my throat when someone yelled, "She's pushing!"  I felt like I was being scolded for the exact thing I was commended for on that peaceful birthing bed just minutes before.  I felt him as he came out of me.

Jason walked in the room just in time to see that our little one's foot in the air.  That's all it took for this emergency C-section to turn into a breech birth.  J later told me it looked  (and sounded) like one of those dramatic scenes in Grey's Anatomy that you thought were made for tv.  People were yelling, "Push," "Grab your legs," "Hold your breath," "Don't scream."  And that's what I remember the most, screaming.  It all just felt so odd.  My contractions would take a break and they would still be yelling at me to push.  Nothing in my body wanted to push at that moment and that's what I had to do.  I could see three men at the end of the table, 6 arms reaching at our baby.  The one in charge was Dr. Hakim, my savior.  He was the calmest one in the room.  He knew exactly what to do with each of our little man's parts as they presented themselves.  I pushed with all my might without any breaks, just kept pushing.  Everything else in the room was loud and angry and stressed and Dr. Hakim was quiet and focused as he worked.  It seemed they needed all three of these men to manipulate the baby as he came out.  I felt each of their hands working on my body to allow for the rest of our baby to be born.

And then it happened.  He was here and just as quickly whisked into the corner to be cleaned and probed.  It was a boy.  The boy I pictured through our entire pregnancy.  Our boy was here.  He looked calm and content, totally opposite from the mood of the room.  He was smart too because he waited to take his first breath and missed breathing in any meconium.  I rested as I looked up at him.  I was exhausted and in shock and beginning to realize that nothing was happening the way we planned.  My boy was supposed to be placed on my chest, skin to skin.  My boy was supposed to let the vernix absorb and be rubbed in by his parents.  He was going to have his cord stop pulsing before it was cut.  He was going to be in our arms for the beginning of his life, away from all the hospital bs.  He wasn't supposed to be lying in a clear box, left alone once the nurse was done with her checklist of things to do to him.  I laid on that table looking at him so far away and told myself again, "it's okay."  I knew we were going to have that time as a family of three to cuddle and bond, it just wouldn't be till later.  And J and I and our baby would be together without loud noises and bright lights, and we would recreate the vision I had in my head because we all needed it.  Our baby would be okay until then.

At that point I had to get a saddle block (what I thought was an epidural) and J had to step out so he went and told everyone in the waiting room, "We have a Rocco Boone!"  And this would be his story.  He surprised us all and entered the world feet first.  And I love him for that.  He prepared me for the unexpected.  I'm sure with this little guy, it's just the beginning.

Finally getting to feel my son.

Love at first sight.

Men in the waiting room.

Ladies in the waiting room see a picture of our little man.

Read Part III