milestones

Rocco Boone

6 months
sitting up

8 months
first two bottom teeth
crawling
four upper teeth at 8 1/2 months

9 months
pulling up to stand

10 months
balancing without support
saying "mama""buh-bye" "hi"'
points at everything

what i've learned

Checking out his presents.

Rocco Boone's first birthday.

It's been one year since our little man arrived.  Hard to believe that much time has passed but then again, it's hard to picture him not being here with us.  My friend Kate asked me to write about what I've learned in this first year of having a little guy, being a mama, living as a family of three.  I'd say my first lesson came before the baby was even here because that pregnancy stuff can be crazy.

So here's my list...

1.  Don't freak out.  Seriously.  You're having a baby.  Keep calm and keep that fetus calm.

Taking in our little guy.

This one honestly came natural to me.  I was in a good place mentally and physically and I was able to really enjoy all of the changes.  I read enough to be informed but didn't read so much that I worried about every ache in my belly or every drop of coffee I ingested.  And this should carry through my child's entire life (at least that's what I'm hoping for).  Relax!  When I get stressed, my baby gets stressed.  When I am calm and hold him up against me - he melts.  This power is in all humans so when I get depleted or stressed - my husband, my baby, and my home all suffer. There's going to be a lot you read and a lot of people who share information and advice with you that will stress you out.  Ignore it all and enjoy that baby.

A sunny afternoon with my little man.

2.  Figure out how to not freak out.
For me this means to focus on myself.  Get enough sleep (and when I don't, ask for help so I can).  Get dressed, do my hair, and even put on make up almost everyday.  Spend time talking to other adults about adulty things like politics, the weather, and sometimes - how awesome it is to be a mom and how much I love my baby.  Cook meals of yummy food.  Dance in my living room.  

Getting ready for the day with a sleeping baby.

That's my short list of how to keep me sane.  I have to remember this list in times of need.  When I complete most of the items on this short list it is so much easier to stay calm and be happy with my life and my baby.

Dinner date with my boys.

3.  EVERYTHING gets better with time.  This was my first official mommy lesson.  And I think it will ring true for the rest of my life.

A very sad Rocco Boone.

When Rocco Boone was first born everything came very easy.  I know we were lucky.  He breastfed like a champ, slept beautifully, and he was just a content little guy.  Within a few weeks though I noticed him getting uncomfortable after feedings.  I started to question my diet, my milk, everything.  I started researching baby gas and wanted to fix it so. bad.  I didn't want to see my baby sad and uncomfortable.  I hated to hear him cry.  The one thing I researched that helped was info on fast let down that Kate shared with me from the Kellymom site.  I started block feeding and it helped a little. We started using probiotics and colic calm and within a few weeks, everything was good again.

Bicycling out that sad, sad gas.

Giving this boy a post-bath massage.

The same thing happened when my supply went down after returning to work.  He became uncomfortable, didn't sleep as well, and cried a lot.  I got so discouraged and confused.  I saw a wonderful lactation consultant (so happy I asked for help) and things got so much better.

My first Mother's Day.

The list of difficult times goes on.  Countless night feedings, sleep deprivation, sleep regressions, and everything else...  There were some hard times.  My point is, the more I stressed about stuff, the worse they got.  Rethinking the issues and keeping a positive outlook helped again.  But really, time healed it all.

4.  Boobs are magic.  
Do I really need to explain this?  Rocco Boone has been rescued by my boobs countless times.  And if you're breastfeeding you totally get.  These things feed you, comfort you, put you to sleep, treat infections and illness, soothe a bump on the head.  The list goes on.  We both got the flu a couple of weeks ago and all RB would ingest was breastmilk.  The flu sucked but even with puking and diarrhea, he stayed hydrated and happy the whole week.  Crazy, huh?

And now that he's one I'm noticing a change in him.  He seems aware of when he wants food and when he wants psychological comfort.  It's huge to see how he changes his demeanor when he wants that comfort.  He looks more intently at me and sometimes zones out. He lets me play with his hair and rub his face - things he never lets me do when he is hungry.  I'm so happy to be able to provide him with that time and help him figure out what he needs.  So yes, boobs are magic.  Just ask Rocco Boone.

Nursing on vacation.

5.  The internet is my medicine.   
I would have never thought this would be the case.  While I was pregnant I was really careful to not read too much.  There is so much negative information that new parents eat up because it seems easier to latch onto what we should be scared of.  So I decided to only look stuff up if I thought there was a problem.  Because my pregnancy went smoothly, I ended up not reading that stuff and just stayed positive and healthy.

A little clean up in the sink.

Once RB was here, I again chose not to read unless we were having trouble with something.   The biggest issue we had was gas, which I honestly kind of laughed at sometimes.  The worst part of his days were hiccups and farts.  It sounds like a pretty good life to me.  But... there were times when those cries felt like an eternity and it didn't seem so funny.  So I took to the internet and found mom's groups on Facebook and blogs and websites that I could scour for information.  What helped me the most was hearing from multiple moms dealing with the same issues.

Relaxing with my sleeping baby.

Quickly I realized no matter how much I liked our pediatrician, she was only one woman.  The internet gave me access to so many women all at once and it was easier for me to see trends and treatments.  But when I found information that I didn't agree with, I just had to ignore it.  I found a couple groups of natural/holistic/crunchy mamas and used the Leaky Boob's facebook page and that really helped me, and they continue to.  They've pushed me to see past some of the more traditional paths with unnecessary meds and interventions.  But be warned - over reading most mom's sites is totally bad for your health.  Find the people you trust and respect and stick to them.

One of our favorite things to do together - swimming!

6.   Love on your husband.  
The first couple months of our son's life were pure bliss.  Nothing else mattered  but that baby and the three of us.  We toted him around on date after date.  We did late brunches and dinner dates and looked longingly at our baby just as much as we did at each other.

One of those relaxing dates.

Then something happened.  Work and school became more of a reality.  Our son needed (just a little bit) more of a routine, he needed more attention, slept a lot less, and the daily grind just started to take over some more.  There was less time just hanging out and cuddling with our baby and each other.  And I realized one of the most important things we lost was that intimacy.

Our first alone date for our anniversary.  RB was four months old.

So now - and I still struggle with this - the best thing I can do is touch him.  When he gets home from work, when we're sitting on the couch, when we're listening to music, when we're falling asleep in bed.  Just a hand hold, a hug, a dance.  All of our stresses melt away and any animosity I've built up dissipates.  Because nothing we've experienced is bad enough to keep me mad at him.  And I still need reminders of how good it feels to be with him.  Nothing is more important to me than the happiness of the three of us.

Our first family date.  Valentine's Day with a 5 day old RB.

Chilling on the couch.

I'm sure this list could go on and on but this is what I choose to focus on still to this day.  This past year has been a whirlwind.  It's shown me some of the highest highs and the lowest lows.  But the lows passed quickly and the highs continue to grow stronger.

And when all else fails, take a bath with your babe.

The Birth - Part 3 - Postpartum Recovery

This post should really be titled:  Why everyone I know should be able to recover at the Alternative Birth Center at Providence Southfield.

Read Parts I and II Here

...Once I was done in the OR, I was wheeled to a recovery room where I was supposed to stay for an hour then I could be transferred back to the birth center.  The second we got into the recovery room the nurse plopped RB on my naked chest.  There was no conversation, no hesitation, everything just fell into place.  He sucked briefly but enjoyed just sleeping on me much more.

The birth center nurse wanted me to feel better quickly so I could move back to the calm, comfortable room in the ABC where this adventure began.  My body had been through so much trauma that it took awhile and I really didn't want to get out of that bed and into a wheel chair but eventually I was able to.  Once Jason and I settled in, all of our family and friends were able to come to our room.  Before we had Rocco Boone we talked about not knowing if we would want people to visit us right away and if we'd want others holding him before we really got some bonding time in.  We decided that we would wait and see and just be honest about how we felt in the moment.    

I think I was exhausted and still in shock so I was happy to have everyone join us and play pass the baby.  One great thing about the birth center's rooms is that the rooms are huge and you can have everyone visit you at once.  They brought pizza, talked, listened to our stories, and took lots of pictures.

Once everyone was on their way, it was just the three of us.  Jason and I laid in bed and took in our little baby.  It was exactly as I had pictured.  I knew that double bed would be important and it wasn't until we were there that it all started to make sense.  I wanted nothing more than to be close to my baby and my husband.  I wanted us all to be comfortable and relax - together.  Jason deserved a comfortable bed to lie in with our baby just as much as I did.  

Our first night together was interrupted by doctors checking on me and baby but overall we got some much needed sleep and started our day as a family of three Sunday morning.

Notice the birth tub in the background that I didn't get to use for labor.

Rocco Boone slept most of the time we were at the birth center.  He moved from one cozy spot to the next.  We either kept him skin to skin with us or swaddled tightly.  He was a very content little man.  He would wake to cry a bit, latch briefly to get some colostrum and comfort, and fall right back asleep.  I loved that all of this could happen from the comfort of our family bed.  I was still very uncomfortable from birth (meds helped with that though) but it made me not want to get out of bed.

I remember thinking that all this family bonding would have felt entirely different if we didn't have a double bed in our room or if our nurses suggested giving us a break from the baby.  He was with us from the very beginning until we left the birth center.  It was there that we established our family dynamic.  We took each moment in and let RB have his own schedule.  It honestly felt so good.

More special visitors on day two.

RB's first poopy diaper changed on our big bed.

I brought my own postpartum bath herbs (even though the birth center offered some) and on our second night, RB and I finally got to enjoy that beloved tub.  He slept through his first bath (as he did for weeks to come) and we both soaked in the healing qualities of those herbs.

The people at the ABC encouraged us to just let Rocco Boone be.  Let him eat and sleep.  We wanted him to feel safe and loved and to us that meant not allowing any unnecessary prodding, cuts, ointments, shots.  There was never any question about it from anyone.  

Because my blood pressure was super high after RB's crazy fast breech birth, I had to stay at the birth center for a couple extra days.  Our last night there the three room birth center filled up and we had to be transferred to a labor and delivery postpartum room.  This was when we saw what it would be like to recover in a more traditional setting.  Our room was cramped, Jason slept on a pull out chair in the small space between my bed and the window.  When RB needed to be fed during the night he had to maneuver the room to get to him, hand him to me, wait until we were done, put him back in his bed... you get the point.  After a night of this, we were ready to get home.

Trust me, it was still awesome to spend time with our baby in that little room, just a little more difficult.  And really?  Isn't the beginning difficult enough?  I feel very blessed to have had those first three days in a calm, compassionate environment that fostered a relaxed approach to caring for our little guy.  

Looking back, what I think was so important about our postpartum experience was the confidence we developed in those few short days following Rocco Boone's birth.  No one told us how to do it.  No one said what we were doing was wrong.  They gave us a warm room and a comfy bed and delivered food and meds and care, but we got to parent from the very beginning.  I figured out breastfeeding by doing it.  We figured out sleeping and changing and holding and consoling our little guy by doing.  We just needed a little support and that's exactly what we got.  

I write this post because I still have days, eleven months later, where I find myself thinking of those moments that followed his birth.  I am forever thankful for the care and support we received and for the time we had to bond as a family.

Things I'm happy I brought with us:

the boppy

nursing shirt and nightgown

bath herbs / sitz bath

hypnobirthing audio

bluetooth speaker

my husband :)

swaddling blankets

snacks!

Once we left the birth center and came home, we were surprised to find a refrigerator full of food (thank god for friends!).  And we even had more food scheduled to come for the entire first month.  I was starving all. the. time.  So having food ready to go was simply amazing.  If we ever got tired of eating something, I just threw it in the freezer because I knew we would need it another day.  So if you're ever considering taking food to a new family - just do it.  There's nothing better.

The Baby Whisperer

Before Rocco Boone was conceived I began reading some of the traditional texts.  I started What to Expect When You're Expecting and would read my baby app updates.  Quickly though, I noticed that I didn't fit in the traditional first time mom category.  I wasn't scared and paranoid about this little guy surviving.  I felt he was healthy from the beginning.  And once that first trimester passed, I was over all the worries those pregnancy books try to address.  On to sushi, deli meat, and the occasional beer or wine (gasp!).  Really, I felt great. My baby felt healthy.  Everything was good.  What did I need to expect from my expecting?  So on I went to thinking about childbirth and parenting.  A friend recommended The Baby Whisperer and I knew other moms had success with it so we started reading it in bed before going to sleep.  I got a few chapters in but quickly realized a lot of it directly references your baby so I decided to pick it back up once he was here.

Sleeping in the ring sling

Sleeping in the rocker

After only a few days in, we went back to the book.  Weeks passed and I kept trying to envision when we could implement any of the techniques from this book.  First we were to feed the baby, then have some activity, then put him to sleep.  Repeat.  Repeat.  And then everyone is happy.  I tried so hard to wrap my head around this routine.  It didn't fit with what we did at all.  My baby loved (loves) to lay skin to skin.  When Rocco Boone is sleepy he cuddles and nurses and all the oxytocin starts flowin' and he is soothed into a peaceful sleep.  If he really needs it, he stays asleep.  If not, it's a little comforting nap and then awake he pops and moves on with his day.  I can't imagine trying to keep him awake during that time.  I don't want to keep him awake.  Watching his blinks grow longer and longer as he lulls to sleep is a wonderful feeling.  For both of us.  And somehow I felt bad for not following this lady's directions.  For some reason, I felt bad for when and how my baby slept.  See, Rocco Boone came home with Jason and I.  So naturally, at least to us anyway, he started to follow our schedule.  From the beginning, he went to bed around midnight and woke up around noon (with as many feedings as he needs in between).  So if I need it, I can get just about 12 hours of sleep a night.  That pretty damn cool.  Because if you know me, I love me some sleep.  Something I don't love is waking up early.  But why?  Why do I feel at all embarrassed of his schedule?  His schedule is perfect for me, and for him, and for our family.

Sleeping in the sprout sling

Sleeping at the pool

Sleeping in the rock and play

Sleeping on the boob

And just as he was about to turn 5 months, I started thinking about how he goes to sleep.  Again with the cuddling, and nursing, and hormones and all that.  But to be fair, when he's with Jason, he goes down just as well with his cuddling, and a bottle, and all the papa love.  But back to me feeling guilty.  I wondered if I was creating a totally dependent child (isn't that what babies are supposed to be?).  And then just like that... Rocco Boone started showing small signs of self-soothing.  Lately when he's napping he'll wake up, look around, and fall back to sleep on his own.  No screaming, no begging for a boob.  And I'm so proud.  It didn't take me scheduling anything or training him to.  It's all just occurring naturally.  

Sleeping in his car seat

Sleeping at the bar

Sleeping on the floor

Sleeping in a tent

So here's what I've learned about baby sleep.  No, here's what I've learned about babies.  Just when you're questioning yourself and wondering how much you've screwed up your little one, cause yes for sure, you know it's all your fault.... they grow a little.  Time and growth have fixed every problem we've had.  But on the flip side, it seems that every time you're onto something and the ride is so smooth, the routine gets flipped on its head.  Everything changes and you're right back where you started.  I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry so much.  He's eating, he's sleeping, he's growing, and he's happy.  And he'll be that way tomorrow and the next day. 

Sleeping on the beach

Sleeping in his crib

But really?  F the Baby Whisperer and her crazy schedule.  My kid knows how to sleep.

Sleeping in his bassinet