so long ago

It now seems like so long ago that Jason and I saw the positive on that pregnancy test.  We were both a little shocked.  I took a few of the regular tests that resulted in faint plus signs before I decided on the digital version to share with J.  And there it was:  "Pregnant."  Right there in English for us both to read.  That was supposed to make it more real for us.  But it didn't.  We bought more tests throughout the week to attempt to convince ourselves.  I got it, this new concept that we're going to have a baby.  But nothing felt different.  It just was what it was.

As the months passed I kept wondering when it was going to feel real.  At the first ultrasound?   The first kicks?  When my belly protrudes?  Or would it really take until this little Appleseed of ours was in our arms, looking eye to eye?

I now realize that there isn't a moment.  There's no epiphany - I'm pregnant!  It's a slow progression.  There are moments.  There are beautiful moments when J makes me laugh so hard and I know he'll make our baby laugh just as hard.  And that this baby will feel what I feel for his amazing man.  And it's no longer a dream.  I picture it because it's here and it will happen soon enough.  

Sometimes it is the kicks or looking at the ultrasound pics.  Or preparing our house for this little one's arrival.  But just as this little Appleseed grows bigger and stronger week by week, so does the realness of this whole process.  And so does our love for someone we've never even met.  For someone we already think is the coolest most lucky kid around.