All planned out

J and I had been talking about it quite a lot.  We talked baby names, got fertility boosting vitamins for both of us, used some at home fertility tests, discussed getting healthy.  I questioned if I was able to get pregnant or if I was able to sustain a pregnancy.  I was scared of being hurt again.  I even changed my diet completely and lost fifteen pounds.  We would start trying in August so our little one would have their own birthday month, maternity leave would be during our summer breaks.  I had it all planned out.

Then four days past ovulation, I feel it.  Tender breasts, slight cramping, even a bit of nauseousness.  It was different than every cycle I've experienced.  Something is different.  But is it even possible?  It's way too early to feel this way.  A week passes and I'm still feeling this way so I take a couple of tests.  A faint line appears both times, not enough to show J though.  He would probably squint and make me question the faintness even more.  So I let more time pass.  I try to enjoy myself and not put too much though into it.  Finals week begins at school and I decide to take a test, the fancy kind.  Digital, with no ambiguity.

There it is.  In between applying eye concealer and some bronzer - Pregnant.  I leave it right there on the shelf above the sink.  I make some coffee.  J comes into the kitchen looking a bit confused.  We both saw the word Pregnant but had very little response.  I don't think it's shock.  It didn't feel real.  It's still early.  Who knows if it will last?  Throughout the week I took more tests.  Test after test came back positive.  Yep.  I'm pregnant.